High Noon Family

I honestly think the original is way better.  It just needs some warming.  It's too blue and some contrast in the midtones only, to make it pop.  The edited version is really blown out, her shirt especially is too bright. 
The problem with doctoring an image is that you don't want it to look doctored unless you are going for a funky effect. 

I won't comment on the pose/location/lighting.  I have been there in those hard situations and as much as everyone is going to pick apart the image you probably did your best in a really tough situation.  I don't think you did bad.  Their smiles look genuine and expression is really important. 

After looking the image again I am editing this post to add:
I would crop on the right to move the family more centered, her legs aren't adding to the picture.  A tighter crop overall might help because the background is busy.  I think you might try brigtening the shadows a bit, but only the shadows.  This will brighten it and even out the whole image.  You might try cloning the hot spot on dad's face, I think you will have good luck with that.
Oh and good job for knowing to use shade and a reflector.  Next time you might try a little pop of fill flash.
 

E.S.P. Expression Sells Pictures.  This one should sell!

Posing a group isn't difficult if you follow one simple rule.  Pose each subject as if they were the only one being photographed.  So in your case, I would have started with dad. Pose him alone in a good masculine pose.  Then add mom in a good feminine pose beside him (you did!)  Then add the children one at a time starting with the oldest, each in an appropriate pose based on the available things to pose them leaning against or seated upon. Children can lean on a parent, sit on the legs of a parent, sit on the ground on front of a parent (good for hiding that tummy bulge) or stand beside a parent or older sibling.

Critique:  Dad should have lowered his chin a little bit, and his left leg should have been curled under his right leg instead of sticking straight out. By dad lowering his chin it would have rendered his face better AND it might have gotten rid of the light streaks on his face.  Dad is square to the camera, a no no. Mom is posed rather well.  The little girl in the center should have been moved about a foot closer to mom so her face wouldn't be underneath dad's face, and she would have covered mom's right arm. The little guy on camera right is perfect.  Little one at extreme camera left should have been turned around and then seated on dad's (now curled under) leg. With her facing in toward the rest of the family it encloses the pose and completes the circular eye cycle.

You have done well with the hands.   Usually the less hands showing in a group portrait the better. I've seen some portraits where it looks like the photographer intentionally had both hands of every individual showing.

Ben