Stealth Mode - When you get irritated by being asked what camera you use!

It's not too hard for those who know to figure it out - - - it's the pesky wanna-knows who don't have a clue but think they should, that it is done for     

I just look at them and say It's the D2Xs, but whats amazing about it is its latent image viewer, any ex darkroom people will get this. As I show them the back of the blank screen I say wow can you see that image it looks great. You will be surprised the amount of people who go yeah wow thanks. they never speak to you again lol

a latent image is of course an unprocessed but exposed image hence a blank screen lol so i'm not lying to them, well not really haha

LMAO Ginny!!  That is very funny.  For me, I shoot a lot of horse shows with what is a really crappy point and shoot on its last leg. (it underexposes everything!!!)  However, I am able to get much more candid shots, because people don't know that I am going to sell them later.  It looks very unprofessional, so people just ignore that I am taking the photo, and they don't try to do some cheesy pose.....most of the time. 

For some strange reason "Its the motion of the ocean" keeps jumping into my little mind...

[shrug]

I usually just say "my little camera takes good enough photos". And "I think its got more than six megapixels". They usually leave me alone.

Such an important question requires a thorough and definitive answer- here are some suggestions.

•   The straightforward approach; It’s a Cannon, Nikon, Olympus are whatever!

•   The art snob answer:  I am and artist- I don’t care what kind of stinking camera it is- it is the artist who makes the pictures not the stinking camera. This answer works especially well if you say this with a French accent, wear a burette and a black turtleneck, are unshaven and have a cigarette hang from your upper lip.  For the ladies a slinky black dress will work along with a hoarse voice to add a special touch. For maximized results,  hire an accordionist and have him play “La Vie en Rose” in the background.  For added impact add the phrase “and it is none of your stinking business”! The work “stinking" can be replaced with other more vulgar expletives at your option.

•   The “riot act" answer:  “So big deal you have a fully digital Hasselblad- 40 thousand bucks and I use a D-70.  But you see, my good friend, I am a professional and you are an idiot snob appeal equipment collector, THEREFORE, I can make better pictures than you with a pin-hole camera and a candle so stuff it and get out of my face- and oh- thanks for asking!

•   The short quip answer:  “I use a Fugi S and if you don’t like it- lump it!  

•   The diabolical solution:  Forget about the electrical tape.  Firstly- Hire a technician to carefully remove all the body coverings and have the metal parts electroplated or painted in hot pink or perhaps camouflage olive drab and replace the plastic or leather skin  with genuine alligator skin- try a Kelly green tone.   Have a custom name plate engraved and affix it to the usual place on the body using the name “Krasnigorsk”!  Tell people that is a little known Russian camera that works just like the top of the line Cannon DSLR full frame camera but costs less that a quarter of the price.  Explain that a few models were made for the Austrian Air Force or whatever but the camera won’t be marketed world wide until the Russians settle the patent infringement case now pending in the International Court with Cannon.  Further to that, explain that you have one of theses cameras only because you were a Soviet spy during the cold war and they gave you one for old time’s sake.

•   The Consumer Advocate:  Say that you have been given every DSLR, which is in current production, by Consumer’s Report Magazine and my job is to field test each and every one of them and today it is the Nikon D200.

•   The MAD- Alfred E. Newman answer:  “What Camera”???  I use a fluoroscopy machine.

Take you choice and feel free to combine or alter any of the aforementioned.  

Ed  

Oh Ed, those are great, and of course we all knew you were joking.  I certainly understand that asking questions about our cameras is just a conversation starter in most cases. 
For the most part when someone asks about the megapixels and starts bragging about their point and shoot I just nod and smile.  I figure they are the ones trying to prove something and that I don't need to do that.  I am already being paid to be there...  It's usually not the paying party that is asking about megapixels in a malicious way.

I have decided that consumers look dumb to the employess or professionals at any store, bank, or whatever.  My sister is in fashion design school and so she is working part time at a clothing store and she often comes home with stories about stupid customers.  We have to remember that as dumb as we think other people are there is someone else out there thinking we are dumb when we walk onto their territory.

 

The only thing that irritates me at a wedding is pants that cause chafing.  If a nebular device detonated right outside the church and a mushroom cloud formed in the sky, I MIGHT become a bit distracted- people don't bother me.  In almost 50 years on this job, I think I have seen just about everything that can create havoc at a wedding.  A partial list: Bride no shows-  Groom no shows- A fire- a brawl that turned into a full fledged riot- police and all, a family member (let's say. going to his final repose in the middle of the ceremony/reception, a roof flying off a convertible wedding limo, everyone at the reception falling ill with food poisoning,  a flood in the basement of the gall causing a power failure- no lights and no A/C in 90 degree weather, the flower girl vomiting on the bride's dress, dead flowers, a groom with a severe hangover, a bride with a histamic reaction causing her entire face to swell, a mother-in-law melt down and theses are just the tip of the iceberg.

So you roll with the punches, improvise where you van and think on your feet and life goes on- hopefully the next assignment will be better and more rewarding.  People are at the wedding to enjoy the festivities and enjoy themselves.  Some folks can't enjoy themselves unless the are being obnoxious or giving someone grief.  Fortunately enough, most people are nice and understand that we photographers are there on business and will not seek to distract us or make us the brunt of their jokes.  If that happens, the professional thing to do is smile and split the scene as quickly and gracefully as possible.

No assignment or pain in the butt individual is worth having a nervous breakdown or blowing you top.  Be happy- we have a nice job- appreciate it!

Ed