Your thoughts?

Someone else is bound to have a more educated opinion, but here are my thoughts:

I would have tilted her chin down a little to give more definition to her jawline, you could have also had her stick her chin out just a little, in a subtle way.

The catchlight in her eye looks low, and her far eye has no light in it at all.  I would have used short lighting, I think it would have been more flattering.  I do like the light on her hair, the top might be a little hot.  However the color is really vibrant.

Let me try this again, from the same set.

Being contrary..........
I like the first one!  Its a little edgy, has some sass if you will.
Im only bothered by that eye disapearing in the dark. Maybe if the whole of the camera right of the face were in complete shadow it would be better for me. So that it seemed intentionally left dark.

There, more of my input for whatever its worth.